Week 4/5 – My Wheel of Life

Our challenge for week 4 from Deb at Home Life Simplified was to create our own wheel of life, choosing 8 categories and determining our current level of satisfaction in each (scale 0-5, 5 being completely satisfied).  Here is how mine turned out:

 
Home: By home I was thinking of our physical home and possessions, their organization and cleanliness, etc., and rated this category a 3. On the positive end, I love our house – big in the right places, comfortable, a great area of town and great school district, close to our places of work and our families. We are comfortable as far as possessions go and really don't want for anything. The reason that this category didn't rate higher than a 3 is because I constantly feel that housework and organization are a struggle for me. I can clean for hours and have it fall apart in less than a day. I know that part of that just comes with having a three-year-old tornado living in our home, but even in our basement rec room (where Dylan really doesn't go) Mike and I struggle to stay clean and organized. When we are having people over there is a frantic clean-a-thon before their arrival, and I am sometimes embarrassed when people just pop by.

Finances: This category really encompasses all things money, and I rated this category a 4. We are not rich, but we are comfortable. We don't buy on credit and our only debt is our mortgage and car payments. It's not a 5 because in this economy everything can change in an instant, and it's impossible to be completely comfortable in this area for me.

Career: This was a category just for me and my job and career. I rated it a 3, but truly I was waffling between 3 and 4. I truly enjoy my job and I like the people that I work with. I am challenged enough that I don't get bored, but am given the opportunity to do things that I do well. I feel that I still need to learn and grow in my current position to develop skills in my areas of opportunity, and at times I struggle to find the time to develop myself in the face of my day-to-day duties.

Social life and friendships: This is my lowest rated category at a 2, and is definitely an area that I feel the need to improve. I do have a couple close friends whom I love, but sometimes we go for weeks without seeing each other. Social life is a similar challenge, in that I rarely get out with friends (and if I do it generally involves a play date with Dylan!). I find Dylan's food and environmental allergies can be socially isolating for us – invitations out for dinner, to large gatherings, even to "3^rd party" areas (play houses, parks, fairs, etc.) either need to be planned well in advance (with a ton of prep work on my part) or are unfortunately turned down. Entertaining here is the ideal choice, as I can control the food and environment, but with Mike and I both working 40h per week and trying to keep Dylan on his routine, topped with the 'home' challenges described above, mean that we can't do it nearly as often as I would like.

Family: On the other side, this is my highest rated category at a 5. We are lucky enough to be living in the same town as both of our parents, Mike's sister, and the majority of my extended family, AND we all get along. My sister lives out of town, but still only about a 3 hour drive away, and she visits frequently. My mom's side of the family (grandparents and 2 uncles) are scattered around the world, but we are able to be in contact as frequently as we like.

Love and Marriage: I rated this category as a 4. Mike and I get along quite well, and in our 13 year relationship have survived many bumps in the road (not the least of which was a baby who would not sleep more than an hour at a stretch for the first 6 months of life) and have come out the other side. Not to say that we are perfect – we snap at each other sometimes, argue on occasion, and don't appreciate each other as often as we should, but we love each other and we work through our problems.

Health and Wellness: Another category just for me, and I rated myself a 3 in this area. I have made a lot of positive changes in the past year relating to my health and body image, and I use the information and techniques I learned at weight watchers to try and make better food and activity choices every day. I have maintained my goal weight (except for a blip after my dad passed away), I was given a pat on the back at my last physical, and I'm generally doing pretty well. I'm not as active as I would like – my job is a physical one some days, and I do chase Dylan around daily, but as far as 'actual' physical exercise I am sorely lacking.

Spirituality: My final category, again rated just for myself, and I gave it a 4. I used to be very involved in the Roman Catholic church, but years ago a new bishop changed the role of women in the church and I found myself lost. I haven't been in quite some time. Mike and I got married in the United Church, but I still haven't felt that connection that I felt years ago. Fortunately, I believe that spirituality is about more than going to church – I try to live a good life, to treat others how I would want to be treated, to be a positive influence on those around me. I miss having the community of a church though, which is the only reason why this area is not a 5.

Week 3 - creating a family mission statement

Week 3 of our 52 week challenge has arrived, and this week Deb at Home Life Simplified has challenged us to create our family mission statements.  After picking my top five values last week, this should be a breeze, right?  As it turns out, I am struggling far more with this week's challenge than either of the other two.  I have been mulling it over for the past couple of days, thinking about Deb's questions:
- What is important to us?  What do we value?
- What kind of relationships do we want to have?
- Are there things that we currently wish to change?
- What kind of family do we want to be?
After mulling, thinking, and pondering, I am left to conclude that I am really, really not good at this.  I'm not sure why - maybe I like to ramble too much to make a concise Mission Statement, maybe I've been spoiled by my exposure to mission statements in the workplace, or maybe my brain is just fuzzy this week because work has been crazy and Dylan has to have more allergy testing and a heart ultrasound and my house is a mess and, and, and...  So I'm embarassed to admit that I kind of cheesed out - though only partially, since I cheesed out using a link that Deb provided!

So I wandered over to Franklin Covey's mission statement builder and chose to build a family mission statement.  I asked for Mike's help, and through his sarcasm and dry (very dry) sense of humour, we managed to go through and answer the 10 categories of questions presented to us.  And, after all that, the site came up with a very long-winded mission statement which was not what we had in mind in the slightest.  Not to say that it was a waste of time, as the questions it asked did get us thinking and talking, but it does just show that sometimes when you think you are taking a shortcut you may instead wind up just taking a detour.

So, for better or worse, here's our family mission statement:

As a family, we will fill our home with love.  Our home is a place where everyone is treated with kindness and respected as an individual.  We will encourage and appreciate each other regularly, and we will allow each other the space and freedom to express all emotions in a judgement-free environment.  Our home is a place where no one is ever taken for granted, and our family and friends know that they are always welcome.

Week 2 - Defining my Personal Values

Wowza - even looking at that title is intimidating.  This week's challenge from Deb at Home Life Simplified is to define our top five core values, including ranking them.  What am I about?  What do I stand for?  Shouldn't I be able to answer these questions easily?  As it turns out, maybe not.  Time for a brainstorming session (thank goodness Deb included some prompting questions!)...

(Edited to add: including my entire brainstorming session made this entry FAR too long for anyone to be interested in!  I've pared it down a bit to only include the pieces that ultimately led to my top five.)

What do I like to do?
- Play with Dylan: on the floor building lego, in the dirt collecting rocks, going down the slide at the park, creating with playdoh, anything.  Why...  Because I love him.  I love seeing his face light up.  I love seeing the world through his eyes, where the grey dirty rocks are just as beautiful as diamonds, and the glop of now-brown paint is a gallery-worthy creation. 
- Help others: seems so broad, but it's true.  I seem to gravitate towards jobs/things/people that need my help.  I've been in customer service for sixteen years, for two years I moderated the breastfeeding board of a parenting website (www.babywhispererforums.com) in my spare time, and my friends often choose me to discuss their problems with.  But I enjoy all of it!  Why...  I like the satisfaction I get from helping others - I love making someone's day, helping them solve a problem that they were struggling with, even just being a shoulder to lean on.
Values:  Family, Love, Playfulness, Fun, Support, Nurturing

Who and what inspires me?
- My Dad:  He began his fight against cancer in the summer of 2006, when he felt the first lump.  He was hit with so much, between the cancer (repeated surgeries, radiation treatments, various chemotherapies) and incidental bullsh*t that happened at the same time (being infected with MRSA twice, having to have surgery for an intestinal hernia, an abcess on his back that just wouldn't completely heal) and he never. once. fell to defeat or self-pity.  He worked until they told him that he had to go on long term disability.  He golfed until he couldn't physically do it anymore.  He got down on the floor and played with Dylan every chance he got.  Even towards the end, when the tumour infiltrated his spine and he was in unimaginable pain, he did not give up.  Even when he decided that he was done fighting the cancer it was not a defeat - the fight simply changed to a fight for comfort and dignity.  I am humbled by his strength, his love, his courage in the face of everything he went through.
Values:  Courage, Love, Family, Grace

What do I feel strongly about in life?
- That whatever energy you put out into the world (positive or negative), the world will give back to you over time
Values:  Positivity, Enthusiasm, Love, Compassion, Friendliness

What am I dead set against in life?
- Corruption and abuse of power in any form.  From a dictator commiting crimes against his people, to a police officer using questionable tactics to extort a confession, to a teacher abusing his student, I find it all deplorable.  To me, the crimes themselves are horrific, but when the perpetrator is in a position of trust or authority it adds another dimension that I can't describe. 
Values:  Dependability, Reliability, Trustworthiness, Integrity

The challenge was to pick and rank our top five values.  After this brainstorming (and much more; I've been at this for a few hours now!) here they are:

1. Family (and I include here those friends that have become family): For as long as I can remember, my sister and I were surrounded by the love of our family. Our extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) got together for breakfast every Saturday morning and still do to this day. We took family time seriously, whether it was a week-long camping trip or dinner together on Tuesday night. We always knew that home was a safe place for us. Now that I have my own family I have held onto that value even more strongly, and if I had to choose only one this would be it.

2. Love: I don't really know how to explain this, but I feel like it encompasses everything that I was brainstorming, from my love of playing with Dylan, to my admiration of my dad, even to my personal philosophy of projecting out what you would like in return. I keep coming back to love, because I feel that love is one of my primary motivators and deserves the second spot.

3. Nurturing: From here on the ranking gets a little muddy, but I have done my best. I chose nurturing as my third value because that's what I seem to do in all my relationships. It's easy to see the nurturing quality in parenting, but even in my job I feel like I tend to nurture my associates - I try to assign tasks to their strengths and give them the chance to do things that they enjoy, while ultimately having the goal of getting them ready to move to the next step in their career if they so desire. Even in my friendships I tend to nurture in a compassionate, problem-solving kind of way.

4. Dependability: I pride myself on being a dependable person, both in my personal life and in my career. Although I am most certainly not perfect, my family and friends know that I am always here for them in thought and action. It's also a quality that I seek out and prize in others. I feel like dependability is so much more than simply doing what I say I will - it's a quality that encompasses reliability, integrity, and trustworthiness, and that's why it made my number four spot.

5. Positivity: This goes back to my strong belief that whatever you project into the universe you will get back. I do not think of positivity in a 'if life gives you lemons make lemonade' kind of way - I think that horrible things happen in life and in no way can you put a positive spin on everything. However, I do believe that if you can approach every challenge, every tragedy, every negative event with a positive spirit that adversity becomes easier to manage. For example, I cannot see a positive spin in my dad's passing, but when I look at it and am thankful for the weeks that we had, for the memories, for the fact that he got to make the choice, it brings a warmth to my heart even as it brings tears to my eyes. When I step back and choose to be positive my days are happier and my life is better. That's why positivity rounds out my top five.

Week 1 - What went right in 2011?

This is actually much tougher than I thought it was going to be - despite some joyous occasions in 2011, it held much more sorrow than I care to experience again.  It was a year that started with the sudden death of an uncle (and not a thanksgiving and Christmas uncle, one that we grew up with and saw frequently), a year that saw my son hospitalized, and a year that saw my beloved dad suffer far more than any human should before he passed away in October.  So it would be much easier for me to wallow in my self-pity and create a list of what went wrong, what I would change, what I wish was different, than of what went right.  But, here goes.

Top on my list of what went right was my wedding.  My partner and I had been together for thirteen years and engaged for six, and had just never gotten our acts together to get married.  When my dad's cancer took a turn for the worse, and his remaining time was being measured in weeks, I decided that if I was going to get married that I wanted my dad to escort me down the aisle.  We managed to plan a wedding in less than 4 weeks, and it was perfect.

Two days after our wedding, Dad decided that he wasn't going forward with any more treatments for his cancer and that he was ready to go.  He passed away exactly one week later.  Though I miss him with every fibre of my being, it is a comfort to know that he did what he wanted to do, that we have the pictures and the memories, and that he was able to make the decision he did on his own terms.

I also made a commitment to myself in 2011 that I wanted to lose weight.  I was a size 12, and had been for years, but was drifting towards a size 14 and getting really unhappy with my appearance.  Some of the ladies at my work were on the Weight Watchers program and were having success, so I decided to give it a go.  I lost a total of 30 pounds and went from that size 12/14 to a size 8, which is the smallest I've been since high school!  I successfully completed the maintenance program and have managed to stay below my goal weight despite some of the challenges that were thrown at me.  The holiday season is another challenge that I am currently going through (there is far to much chocolate in my house right now!) but I know how to lose and maintain and am determined to stay at my new size.

My job is another thing that I truly enjoy (at least most of the time); it energizes me and gives me a sense of fulfillment and completion at the end of every day.  I am successful enough to keep a positive outlook, but I am challenged daily and am given the opportunity to do what I do best.  I have been with my current company since 2007, and I'm looking forward to my 5 year anniversary in spring 2012.

My family is my life.  My husband and son keep me grounded and lift my spirits each and every minute of every day.  My husband loves me for who I am, puts up with my crap, and is truly my life partner in everything I do.  My son is pure joy.  He laughes, loves, plays, sings, dances, does everything with such abandon, and it's truly my privilege to see the world through his eyes.  My mom, my sister, my in-laws, my extended family - we all get along and are able to see each other frequently and enjoy our time together.

Despite the challenges that this past year has thrown me and my family, I have so much to be grateful for.  For my family and friends, for our health, for my job, for financial security, for the safety of the town in which we live, and especially for the time we were able to spend with my dad before he  passed.  It is so easy to focus on the negative - thank you Deb at Home Life Simplified, for this week's challenge and for making me focus on some of the joys of the past year.